Can I Stop Being a Wussy?

ARGH!!
I HATE MYSELF!!
THERE'S SOMETHING HOLDING ME TO SAY IT...
YET I'M SO EAGER TO SAY IT....

MAYBE I DONT HAVE THE GUTS!!
GODDAMNIT!!
HAVE I EATEN MY GUTS!?!?
SPIT IT OUT!!!
IF I AINT NO GUTS TO SAY THREE SIMPLE WORDS TO YOU...
HOW AM I GONNA SUCCEED IN LIFE!?!
ARGH!!

THAT DOES IT!
I DONT CARE ANYMORE
I GOTTA DO IT TOMORROW
EVEN IF IT MEANS GETTING 2 SLAPS AND BEING SHOVED BACK TO MY CLASS
I DONT CARE ANYMORE

The Reason

I'm really really helpless...
You've been dying to know...
I've been dying to hide....
And now what happens?

I don't want you to get hurt or anything....
Well, anyways I did hurt you...
At least it's not as severe as it's supposed to be....

I don't want to say sorry anymore...
You've been hearing that everyday...
The more I say it, the less value my sorries are....

Looking at my silent phone...
I feel so...weird....
My phone is always silent...
But now, way too silent....

Desperate, I click my phone every 5 minutes...
Searching for your name....
But now, disappointed...
I know I've done too much....

Maybe it's for the best...
Still, I can't live without reading your message...
I've been reading them everyday and now...
I stop? I'm an underwater fish who needs to learn how to live outta water in 24 hours...
It's just so...Hard and weird...

Interacting with you too much?
And the only reason I can come up with is "Habit"...
The habit of talking to you...
I don't really know when it started...
But I know it started last year...
We're two people from two different worlds...
Who talk to each other a little too much until...
We are artificially in the same world...
Overlapping each other...
Come to think of it, it's bizarre....
Way bizarre...

It's too bizarre until you wonder what the reason is...
I had no reason...
I'm wondering too...
Now I know what the reason was....
(Sing) And the reason is....you

It's an old song anyway...
That makes it an old reason...
Nevermind, time gave me reason...
A reason I'm sure none of us wants to know....(Trust me)
Unfortunately, I know...
And I'm SUFFERING...

Suffering...
The reason is not you anymore...
What was once ours is not pure...
NOT PURE!!!
THAT GODDAMNED FOUR-LETTER WORD TOOK IT ALL AWAY...
But...
....
....
....

What happens if I'm free from the grasp of FLW?
Will it be pure again?
Like it used to be?
I'm so scared...
So afraid...
That the evil FLW is the reason I'm holding on....
Without it, I'm out of your world....


If it isn't for my childish attitude, this wouldn't have happened...
Another 50 pumps for me until I wake up....


I...........You

It's A Serious Game

Just when I almost stepped out, you came in...

My legs missed by inches...

Until I could make no more return...



The "I" is there...

Without any confirmation...

If may just be a joke, a game, an entertaining dialogue...

To me, it's always a game...

We all have lots of fun, we're satisfied and fulfilled...

Then tomorrow we all forget all about it and start playing again.....



But when we started that game, it's not merely a game...

Every words that I've said...

I meant it, from the bottom of my heart...

I wish you played not because to please me...

Then I rather wish I'm dead than to make you do something like that...



Experienced, I would not go further than the game to confess...

Because what I did after that left me a broken heart...

Maybe I was too desperate? Maybe I was too aggressive?
I have no idea until now...

Study needs hardworking attitude...
Freedom needs isolation...
Love needs a Lionheart...
Am I brave enough to trade our friendship for love?
Do I love you more than afraid of hurting my heart?
Can I withstand the hopelessness and frustration if your answer was not me?

SELFISH!!!
It's always about me...
What about you?

Are you hurt to have lost me as a friend because I confessed?
Are you afraid of rejecting me?
Could you still overcome the awkwardness between us after all these?





Now I know the answer...
If it makes you happy,I will muster every ounce of confidence I have and take this game to the next level...
If it doesn't, I will just forget that anything happened...
For the moment, I'm standing between the blurred lines of friendship and love...
Who knows, maybe I'll just stand there until I love you no more or till future divides us...


Do you believe me when I say: "I love you forever"? ...

I wouldn't believe myself....
But hey, look on the bright side, at least we have some fun before it ends...

Our World Is Too Different

I had just logged on to facebook...
And I saw something...
Never knew you're greater than I thought...
Pictures flashed in front of me...
The longer the more astonished I was...
Yet the more worried I am...

Then I realised...
I don't even know you 2%...
I took your world as a virtual world...
Seeking pleasure in exploring it...
However, now I've found out that it's not as big as a galaxy...
It's comparable to the universe...
There's no end!!

Some might say you can't be perfect...
But you can be close to perfect...
And put it this way:
"I can't finish exploring it, but I can explore most of it"...
Yeah, good idea...
But it just doesn't work for me...

I mean, I look around...
I know there's someone better than me...
More good-looking, taller, smarter, funnier and interesting than me...
By fate, I know I can't compare myself to them...
That's why I tried to...
I tried to be all-rounded...
I tried to be witty...
I tried to be who I think you want...
But I'm not comfortable....

And I know you deserved better...
That's why I decided to let go...

I've promised to tell you something...
Something that could put me a spot in your diary...
Something that risks our friendship...
Something that is symbolised as a blooming flower...
Unfortunately, I would not risk it blooming...
Risk it's life or never bloom...
But I've decided...
To choose not to risk it...

I said "The time was not right"
Yes, it was...
Until now...
"It is never right"....