Dream....+ing of you....Again...

This morning...
I...
Dreamt of you again....

I was so crazy over you....
So crazy in love...

Like an elephant glue, I stuck around you...
In the end, I could not help but to ask.....
"Would you be ...........?"

When I asked that very question...
You're not you...physically....
But you're obese(chubby in nicer words),has a pony tail and an interesting personality....
Nevertheless, I could feel...
I know it's you...
It's like you've swapped bodies with someone...

I didn't care how you looked like....
That's why I have the reason to love you more....
And asked you that question....

My heart leaped by bounds when you said:
"I agree to your first and second wish(regarding clothes), but the third needs time"

I have no idea what second and third wish you were talking about...
I was over the moon if you agree to my first....

Widely awake (now), the only thing I could come up with the second wish is...sex...
Or else I don't know what's gotta do with clothes logically....
You're not going to wash them, iron them, tear them, paint them, wear them....
Take them off?
Another pervertic idea....
SKIP

* *

Then you're going home....
In your silver proton saga, with numbers 5100 (OMG, I should have bought 4D! Forget it, it's too late)

The next day you came over with your friends....
I don't know if it's next day or not because I didn't experience any night in the dream...
Oh well, I was washing the dishes, outside the house?
And why did I run into hiding when you and your buddies came?
Was I shy or what?
I wish I know....

*Alarm rings*

The first thing I think of when I woke up...
Is you...
The second, was the wishes....
The third, the dream dictionary....
Then I panicked.
When I learned that such dictionary exists, I was so scared to sleep.
I don't want to know any bad omen or destiny in the dream...
But I checked it anyways, the only thing bad is the colour black....
You were wearing a black shirt with orange collar like my sis's....
Black means death, in extreme cases....

Let's see what happens when you're dead:
Picture this, your parents sobbing over you....
Maybe your little bro's being strong for the first time...
Your friends are all there, especially your tuan ti 1 friends....
Yeah, hamster will be there, she is GOING to be there....
And maybe I get to see her cry for the first time...
I, don't know if I want to weep....
But I'd certain I'd hug you until I'm done before I tell your parents how I feel about you....
(You know, just in case I got chases away or maybe jailed)

Helena by My Chemical Romance is playing....
The sky is a bright grey....
Everyone's in black...
A few sobs can be heard occasionally....
And nobody's oblivious of the scene that I still cling onto your coffin...
I could I ever accept....
That we're seperated....
Not because of communication problems....
Or misunderstandings....
Or forbidden love....
Or parent objection...
Or violating the undang-undang
But by the cruelest of all, DEATH....

* *

There you go....
This is probably what will happen....
But alas, this will never come true....
Unless you purposely make it come true by sleeping in the middle of the north-south highway....
Then I'm completely commentless and speechless....



But the main point is....
I like you no more...
But I love you....
Yes, very much....
Up to the point I'm willing to waste 6 hours and RM20 killing myself...

I love you...
Not physically, but emotionally.....(Shown)(haha, as in add.maths)
Maybe I should ask you that question, for real....
I want to carry your heart....
I carry it in my heart....



I don't want you in my dreams, I want you for real....

I'm Trying

I'm good at flirting when courting...
But I stammer in front of you...

I flirt with every target I see...
But before I sleep I think of you...

I seem to be very nice to someone else....
But in my heart there's only you...

I try to control myself and give you some freedom...
But everytime I breathe I could only think of you...

I can make anyone laugh or smile so easily...
But I have to spend the whole night planning how to make you smile....

I'm bathed in endless flirts and winks....
But I learn to resist them because in my eyes there's only you....

I get so worried everytime I know you're sad....
But my heart gets broken when I see you inconsolable....

I have every damn connection to every essential teachers...
But I could not save you from a simple matter...

I think of you now, and every now and then....
But I could not save myself from the torture of missing you....

April's Fool + Sukan Tara

In conjunction with April's Fool Day, we have Sukan Tara (Just kidding)...
I have never been so fulfilled in my life....
Leading a voluntary army beating the scores by X2 man!
With the red house scoring high (for form 3 and form 4)
This morning, I came to school and looked at the board...
How ashamed I was to wear red....
But now, I'm proud to be in red house...

When I think of the tug o' warriors....
I almost scream my lungs out....
It was like FIFA WORLD CUP!!
In the midst of tension and screams, they have to be steady....
And how cool is that to win?
Wear red, see red and bleed red....
WE WERE INDOMINABLE!!!
TURBO!! (Our red house motto)

...
...
...

Today I finally spit the words out....
Fortunately, what I've got was some very mature results....
...to my relief.
But today is a bad day because it's April's Fool....
Yeah, I thought of that but I wouldn't give myself any more reason to procrastinate...
Thanks for spending the time with me....
;)

Can I Stop Being a Wussy?

ARGH!!
I HATE MYSELF!!
THERE'S SOMETHING HOLDING ME TO SAY IT...
YET I'M SO EAGER TO SAY IT....

MAYBE I DONT HAVE THE GUTS!!
GODDAMNIT!!
HAVE I EATEN MY GUTS!?!?
SPIT IT OUT!!!
IF I AINT NO GUTS TO SAY THREE SIMPLE WORDS TO YOU...
HOW AM I GONNA SUCCEED IN LIFE!?!
ARGH!!

THAT DOES IT!
I DONT CARE ANYMORE
I GOTTA DO IT TOMORROW
EVEN IF IT MEANS GETTING 2 SLAPS AND BEING SHOVED BACK TO MY CLASS
I DONT CARE ANYMORE

The Reason

I'm really really helpless...
You've been dying to know...
I've been dying to hide....
And now what happens?

I don't want you to get hurt or anything....
Well, anyways I did hurt you...
At least it's not as severe as it's supposed to be....

I don't want to say sorry anymore...
You've been hearing that everyday...
The more I say it, the less value my sorries are....

Looking at my silent phone...
I feel so...weird....
My phone is always silent...
But now, way too silent....

Desperate, I click my phone every 5 minutes...
Searching for your name....
But now, disappointed...
I know I've done too much....

Maybe it's for the best...
Still, I can't live without reading your message...
I've been reading them everyday and now...
I stop? I'm an underwater fish who needs to learn how to live outta water in 24 hours...
It's just so...Hard and weird...

Interacting with you too much?
And the only reason I can come up with is "Habit"...
The habit of talking to you...
I don't really know when it started...
But I know it started last year...
We're two people from two different worlds...
Who talk to each other a little too much until...
We are artificially in the same world...
Overlapping each other...
Come to think of it, it's bizarre....
Way bizarre...

It's too bizarre until you wonder what the reason is...
I had no reason...
I'm wondering too...
Now I know what the reason was....
(Sing) And the reason is....you

It's an old song anyway...
That makes it an old reason...
Nevermind, time gave me reason...
A reason I'm sure none of us wants to know....(Trust me)
Unfortunately, I know...
And I'm SUFFERING...

Suffering...
The reason is not you anymore...
What was once ours is not pure...
NOT PURE!!!
THAT GODDAMNED FOUR-LETTER WORD TOOK IT ALL AWAY...
But...
....
....
....

What happens if I'm free from the grasp of FLW?
Will it be pure again?
Like it used to be?
I'm so scared...
So afraid...
That the evil FLW is the reason I'm holding on....
Without it, I'm out of your world....


If it isn't for my childish attitude, this wouldn't have happened...
Another 50 pumps for me until I wake up....


I...........You

It's A Serious Game

Just when I almost stepped out, you came in...

My legs missed by inches...

Until I could make no more return...



The "I" is there...

Without any confirmation...

If may just be a joke, a game, an entertaining dialogue...

To me, it's always a game...

We all have lots of fun, we're satisfied and fulfilled...

Then tomorrow we all forget all about it and start playing again.....



But when we started that game, it's not merely a game...

Every words that I've said...

I meant it, from the bottom of my heart...

I wish you played not because to please me...

Then I rather wish I'm dead than to make you do something like that...



Experienced, I would not go further than the game to confess...

Because what I did after that left me a broken heart...

Maybe I was too desperate? Maybe I was too aggressive?
I have no idea until now...

Study needs hardworking attitude...
Freedom needs isolation...
Love needs a Lionheart...
Am I brave enough to trade our friendship for love?
Do I love you more than afraid of hurting my heart?
Can I withstand the hopelessness and frustration if your answer was not me?

SELFISH!!!
It's always about me...
What about you?

Are you hurt to have lost me as a friend because I confessed?
Are you afraid of rejecting me?
Could you still overcome the awkwardness between us after all these?





Now I know the answer...
If it makes you happy,I will muster every ounce of confidence I have and take this game to the next level...
If it doesn't, I will just forget that anything happened...
For the moment, I'm standing between the blurred lines of friendship and love...
Who knows, maybe I'll just stand there until I love you no more or till future divides us...


Do you believe me when I say: "I love you forever"? ...

I wouldn't believe myself....
But hey, look on the bright side, at least we have some fun before it ends...

Our World Is Too Different

I had just logged on to facebook...
And I saw something...
Never knew you're greater than I thought...
Pictures flashed in front of me...
The longer the more astonished I was...
Yet the more worried I am...

Then I realised...
I don't even know you 2%...
I took your world as a virtual world...
Seeking pleasure in exploring it...
However, now I've found out that it's not as big as a galaxy...
It's comparable to the universe...
There's no end!!

Some might say you can't be perfect...
But you can be close to perfect...
And put it this way:
"I can't finish exploring it, but I can explore most of it"...
Yeah, good idea...
But it just doesn't work for me...

I mean, I look around...
I know there's someone better than me...
More good-looking, taller, smarter, funnier and interesting than me...
By fate, I know I can't compare myself to them...
That's why I tried to...
I tried to be all-rounded...
I tried to be witty...
I tried to be who I think you want...
But I'm not comfortable....

And I know you deserved better...
That's why I decided to let go...

I've promised to tell you something...
Something that could put me a spot in your diary...
Something that risks our friendship...
Something that is symbolised as a blooming flower...
Unfortunately, I would not risk it blooming...
Risk it's life or never bloom...
But I've decided...
To choose not to risk it...

I said "The time was not right"
Yes, it was...
Until now...
"It is never right"....

Caesarean Section

Where Are You?

Where are you...
When the crickets sing under the starry sky...
The fireflies are the winged-lanterns...
I wish you were here to see it...
They are the flying LEDs...
That reflected the galaxies of stars...
Onto this very field...
Just as you reflected...
Their eternal lamp...
That lighted the way...
To my happiness...

Where are you...
I pondered again tonight...
Sitting alone on the...
Squeaking playground swing...
No more awake and no less sleepy...
As the chilling wind caressed my soft cheeks...
I wish it was your hands...
So gentle, so loving,so beautiful....
Like no other...

Where are you...
As I lie in the middle of the greenest meadow...
Listening the enrapturing melody...
The little green musicians has to offer...
I can't help letting my mind roam free....
It is like a swift stallion...
That gallop across...
The open fields...
Across every mountainous landscape...
Across every rapid-flowing river...
Across every dense forest...
To your house...
Into your room...
Wondering if you are thinking of me too...

Where are you...
That I wondered...
As I sit by the edge of the hill...
Eagerly waiting the arrival...
Of the marvelous sunset...
No different than a naive child...
Waiting for a tooth fairy...(You could change it to Santa Claus if you like)
So excited, yet so patient...
Just as I wait for you...
To be by my side...
To witness the sun diving into the unreachable horizon...
Just as I dive into your pool of love....

Where are you...
As the awesome crescendo...
Filled the handsome ballroom...
Anxiously, I look around...
A Preciosa Chec chandelier...
Hangs impressively...
Above the middle of the dance floor...
But under it...
Your shadow is yet to be seen...
But I'll wait...
Until the end of time if I have to....
Because I believe...
I'm destined to dance with you...

Have I Not Done Enough??

Unwanted Enemy and Our AJK List(4S3)

Today fairy Godmother granted my wish...
To become the assistant monitor of 4S3...
Yes, ASSISTANT monitor...Exactly...
Not more, not less...
Being the monitor has it's disadvantage...
Every consequences go to the monitor...
And the assistant monitors are the fool of fortunes...
Because they always forgotten from bad luck...
On the other hand, always remembered by duty...
But I'd rather work until I break all my fingernails than to face the music...
Anyway, I like being as busy as a bee...

Let's time travel back to the moment when the class teacher walks into the classroom...
Uh oh, no advantage, unknown teacher with a name tag emblazoned with "P.L. Ng"...
Everyone was quite scared when she stepped in and the feeling miraculously disappeared when someone tried to joke with her...(That is half an hour later)...

Okay, so the AJK-choosing ceremony started...
Three names were nominated...
And my name was nominated by Tan Zher Rem...
So there's Lim Chun Wei, me and Chin Ting Hua...
When the voting for me was going on...
I looked around...

In the classroom...
A pair of bloody eyes were hidden...
But not oblivious to me...
The owners of those eyes didn't raise his hand...
Oh well, it was no wonder that he didn't vote for me...
He takes me as his competitor although his name wasn't up for voting...

And again, let's time travel back to April 2009...
I was at Seberang Jaya warming up for the 2009 inter-school basketball competition (under 18)...
Let's see, that time maybe my society was choosing the next generation of AJK...
I wasn't there, I didn't care...
Surprisingly...
The only thing that people say to me when I'm back to school is:
"You've got elected as the AJK biasa"
And I was like:
"What????"

Ok, Ok,back to the ceremony...
So I heard I've got the highest vote, because the all the ex-committee voted for me...(Their vote is count as 5)
But bloody-eyes and Malus Domestica got only 9...
Sadly, they didn't get the AJK biasa post...(There were 3)
And they think it matters so much to them that whenever our committee is asking them to do something...
They would say:
"Why should I do it? I'm not an AJK Biasa"
And everytime they say that, I would think:
"Do you have to be an AJK Biasa do contribute to the society? Or you can't eat or drink without it? I would like you to be in my shoes just for 10 seconds, be it comfortable or painful, when you ever get the chance, is when you stop being envy"

I've been hearing those two idiots repeating that childish sentence so often that I almost pick up a parang and cut my ears off...(Just kidding, no way I'm doing that)
Most of the time, I just ignore them...(What happens if I never learn how to ignore?)

Back to today's scene....
Those sinister eyes and a face with R-A-G-E and W-R-A-T-H written on it...
Shocked me to the extent that I was numb for a second, or two...
How cute would it be if someone was angry with your success?
I think Satan got the better of him...
I'll do him a favour by praying for him...
No one, yes, no one, who didn't vote for me looked into my eyes as if they want to devour my flesh and lick my red-blood cells...(Not my cute and cuddly,well maybe not, red-blood cells!)
He did it, as a friend...

I'm just so sorry...
I'm sorry that you are controlled by something unreal....
Known as - the crave for power...
A taste of real power could make you get over it....
It's the best antidote...



Oh,the happy ending?
Lim Chun Wei who was famously loved by our classmates got elected as the monitor(For Christ's sake,who happens to be a KPL too) and Ting Huan(whom I've heard so much about last year but never knew who he is) got elected as the treasurer....

Wanna see our AJK list?

Monitor: Lim Chun Wei(Looks handsome from different angle,and has talents for being a monitor)
Ass. Monitor: Me(I love my seat just fine)
Secretary: Jackly Lam(Former Monitor who is very very helpful)
Ass. Secretary:Cheng Pei Ying(Former Monitor who has a sunny personality)
Treasurer: Chin Ting Huan(That guy)
Ass. Treasurer: Yeu Kai Zhe(His smile's precious because he doesn't smile often)
Cleanliness Monitor: Chin Pei Xin(The most responsible Cleanliness Monitor I've ever met, did half of my work)
Ass. Cleanliness Monitor: Ooi Chin Sheng(He's the scout with the dragon head)
Head of Notice Board: Tay Ying Pei(A good breakdancer,I'm serious!)
Ass. Head of Notice Board: Pheh Mei Foong(Who loves my hair as much as I love fish)
Furniture Master: Ng Chian Pin(That buff who joked with Puan Ng)
Ass. Furniture Master: Bloody-eyes(What should I say? OMG?)

Whoa...
12 posts...
Talk about an army...
It's even more than our cadets' AJK posts (Which is only 11)
And I thought Puan Ng didn't knew about posts...
She's good...
I didn't know that we need an assistant for secretary, two notice board decoraters, and furniture masters until today...
Good thing, I know what to do next year...